Year-end reflection

Somehow it’s already mid-November, another year drawing to a close. I tend to get extra contemplative around this time of the year, around my birthday and the holidays. I panic a bit and try to gauge my level of fulfillment with my experiences and growth over the course of the last 10-12 months. Post-college, when we discontinued the use of ordinal measurement to differentiate year from year, I began to distinguish time based on my travels per annum. But it didn’t take long to realize that as much as I love traveling, it was not the right measurement of time for me and I may not find one for the purpose I want it to serve. I’ve actually been stuck on this notion of how finite our time on earth is; our short lives spanning but a wink in the stretch of eternity. Even for someone with a Kingdom vision, I struggle to live with purpose and to make meaning of the mundane day-to-day. I have deep desires to create impact on a grand scale but feel so stifled by self-perceived limitations. This year has been especially challenging but good people, therapy, and God have helped me through.

Much to my dread, I turned 30 a few weeks ago. Back in my teens and early twenties, I wanted to live differently and subvert societal norms, but now I find myself craving stability and comfort. This, perhaps, is the true sign that I’ve aged. Do the dreams of my youth ultimately get crushed by the weight of reality? I would like to answer, “no,” but I have no clear vision of how to achieve all that I aspire. Nevertheless, in my constant pursuit of improvement for both myself and those around me, I shall keep my optimism and strength to face my 30th year of life (and 2023)! This is going to be my year!!!!!!!!!

I’ll end this post in gratitude, for firstly everything that has led me up to this point. I try to live with no regrets and hope I can maintain this.. yes, l am confident that all things have served some purpose in my identity formation. Next, here’s one to all my people (you know who you are). Thank you for walking alongside me through this year of highs and lows, for encouraging me as I navigate so many new experiences. Thank you for bearing my burdens, your faithful prayers, for exemplifying the goodness of God.. etc. You guys are truly my greatest treasures and I hope I can return even a fraction of the love I’ve received. And finally to get all cliche Christian girl to say that I’m humbled by and assured in the love and grace that Christ displays daily. Here’s the verse I will try to live by this forthcoming year:

But from there you will seek the LORD your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul. Deuteronomy 4:29

To whoever is reading this, I wish you joy and peace and good health~